ode to dolores
I'm not going out tonight
'cos I don't want to go.
Oh, all the promises we made
All the meaningless and empty words.
Maybe we should burn the house down,
Have ourselves another fight.
If you, if you could get by, trying not to lie
Things wouldn't be so confused and I wouldn't feel so used.
Do you have to let it linger?
I've always put my cards upon the table.
Let it never be said that I'd be unstable.
I'm not ready for this,
Though I thought I would be.
And then I open up and see the person falling here is me,
A different way to be.
If you, if you could return, don't let it burn, don't let it fade
Were you lying all the time? Was it just a game to you?
Oh, I thought the world of you,
I thought nothing could go wrong
But I was wrong. I was wrong.
And in the night, I could be helpless,
I could be lonely, sleeping without you.
And in the day, everything's complex
There's nothing simple, when I'm not around you.
I try to remain.
I'm trying not to go insane.
I'm still remembering the time
You said you'd be mine.
Yesterday was cold and bare,
Because you were not there.
Understand the things I say, don't turn away from me,
'Cause I've spent half my life out there, you wouldn't disagree.
Understand what I've become, it wasn't my design
You took my thoughts from me
Now I want nothing more.
And the thing that makes me mad
Is the one thing that I had.
I knew, I knew
I'd lose you.
There's no need to argue.
No need to argue anymore.
There's no need to argue anymore
I gave all I could, but it left me so sore.
And the thing that gets to me
Is you'll never really see,
And the thing that freaks me out
Is I'll always be in doubt.
Do you remember
The things we used to say?
I feel so nervous
When I think of yesterday.
I wanted to be so perfect you see,
I wanted to be so perfect .
Sunday, April 27, 2003
Friday, April 25, 2003
Thursday, April 24, 2003
Twilight Conversations With President Bush
Bush - We present to the UN, Iraq's weapons of mass destruction -- poisonous gas filled camels. You see, I told you so!
the UN - But these camels are dead. How were they going to use these camels against us?
Bush - Our men have been very lonely out on the battlefield with very few women to go around. So some of them have had their way with these camels and died horrible deaths.
the UN - So you're saying your men raped dead camels?
Bush - Yes, but I must emphasize that the camels were the evildoers and it was up to our men to serve justice.
the UN - Righhht...and in serving justice, you mean raping camels.
Bush - Yes, I mean no, I mean this is a world that is much more uncertain than the past. In the past we were certain, we were certain it was us versus the Russians in the past. We were certain, and therefore we had huge nuclear arsenals aimed at each other to keep the peace. That's what we were certain of. You see, even though it's an uncertain world, we're certain of some things. We're certain that even though the 'evil empire' may have passed, evil still remains. We're certain there are people that can't stand what America stands for. We're certain there are madmen in this world, and there's terror, and there's missiles. I'm certain of this too, I'm certain to maintain
the peace, we better have a military of high morale, and I'm certain that under this administration, morale in the military is dangerously low.
the UN - We're certain we have no idea what you just said. That still doesn't explain why your men raped the camels.
Bush - When I was coming up, it was a dangerous world, and you knew exactly who they were. It was us vs. them, and it was clear who them was. Today, we are not so sure who the they are, but we know they're there.
the UN - Are we still talking about the camels?
Bush - We present to the UN, Iraq's weapons of mass destruction -- poisonous gas filled camels. You see, I told you so!
the UN - But these camels are dead. How were they going to use these camels against us?
Bush - Our men have been very lonely out on the battlefield with very few women to go around. So some of them have had their way with these camels and died horrible deaths.
the UN - So you're saying your men raped dead camels?
Bush - Yes, but I must emphasize that the camels were the evildoers and it was up to our men to serve justice.
the UN - Righhht...and in serving justice, you mean raping camels.
Bush - Yes, I mean no, I mean this is a world that is much more uncertain than the past. In the past we were certain, we were certain it was us versus the Russians in the past. We were certain, and therefore we had huge nuclear arsenals aimed at each other to keep the peace. That's what we were certain of. You see, even though it's an uncertain world, we're certain of some things. We're certain that even though the 'evil empire' may have passed, evil still remains. We're certain there are people that can't stand what America stands for. We're certain there are madmen in this world, and there's terror, and there's missiles. I'm certain of this too, I'm certain to maintain
the peace, we better have a military of high morale, and I'm certain that under this administration, morale in the military is dangerously low.
the UN - We're certain we have no idea what you just said. That still doesn't explain why your men raped the camels.
Bush - When I was coming up, it was a dangerous world, and you knew exactly who they were. It was us vs. them, and it was clear who them was. Today, we are not so sure who the they are, but we know they're there.
the UN - Are we still talking about the camels?
Wednesday, April 23, 2003
Tuesday, April 22, 2003
My mom bought me a whole box of sour keys yesterday. As of today, the inside of my mouth feels like someone dragged it behind their car for about 3 km. The sad part is that I knew that this would happen yet I still ate them. Don't you hate it when you do something you know is wrong simply because you can't fight the urges? I know you have! Don't lie! Like when you had the measles and your mom told you not to scratch and you did anyhow. Or when your lips are chapped and peeling and you know that if you pick at them they'll bleed. My personal favourite is when you're alone and you have to fart but you want to force it out as hard as you can so that it makes a loud trumpet-like sound, and you end up shitting your pants. Such silly creatures we are. =P
Monday, April 21, 2003
Just Breathe
In highschool all we ever wanted to do was to fit in. Conformity was always something we strived for. We wanted to feel like we weren't alone, like we weren't individuals in a hurricane, looking for something to hold onto. So we all congregated together, wore the same clothes, bought the same cd's, had crushes on the same people. We hung out in the cafeteria at lunch time in our cliques and we felt loved and appreciated for the first time since we stepped into that school. The clouds of inadequacy seemed to have slowly passed by for the most part.
As we grew older and parted ways for university, we held onto those bonds we formed in highschool in hopes that we wouldn't be lost again in our new surroundings. Once again, placed in a new environment, our footing wasn't so sure anymore. A bigger school, more new faces walking about, but we were less afraid because we made it through highschool. Soon we found out that it was pretty easy to meet new people, form new bonds, and recreated that comfort group. We walked around campus and made idle small talk with acquaintances we had met at some party thrown by so and so. Feeling comfortable again in our surroundings, we forgot for a moment about being self-conscious. Everyone was in the same boat -- we attended the same classes; we read the same books; we stressed over the same exams; we saw the same movies; we ate at the same restaurants, we drank with the same people; the same people came in and out of our dorm rooms 24/7.
Graduation arrived and we were so happy to have finally made it but at the same time sad to see everyone leave that place we called home for 4, sometimes 5, years. Again we promised ourselves to keep the bonds we formed in university, naively convincing ourselves that the party continued and that we would always be there for each other. Then one day we found ourselves alone, sitting in our office, doing work we don't really enjoy, and realizing that most of the bonds we had formed in the past have slowly faded like the leaves in autumn. All that comfort and solace we strived to find in belonging to a group and thought we found, was false comfort.
The irony is that for years we thought the solution to feeling alone and insignificant was to find a herd of sheep and blend in, when in fact, we should have spent time figuring out that we weren't sheep, and that even though we are different from each other -- people still liked us. So now we struggle to separate our mentality from that of the herd in hopes that we can find our own identity. To find that we aren't just like everyone else, but that we are a beautiful unique snowflake.
So here I sit wishing I was different -- an accent; a limp; purple hair; two left feet -- anything. Something that sets me apart from everyone else. I now try to make my way back and find the real me in the crowd I created for myself. It's so lonely being common.
In highschool all we ever wanted to do was to fit in. Conformity was always something we strived for. We wanted to feel like we weren't alone, like we weren't individuals in a hurricane, looking for something to hold onto. So we all congregated together, wore the same clothes, bought the same cd's, had crushes on the same people. We hung out in the cafeteria at lunch time in our cliques and we felt loved and appreciated for the first time since we stepped into that school. The clouds of inadequacy seemed to have slowly passed by for the most part.
As we grew older and parted ways for university, we held onto those bonds we formed in highschool in hopes that we wouldn't be lost again in our new surroundings. Once again, placed in a new environment, our footing wasn't so sure anymore. A bigger school, more new faces walking about, but we were less afraid because we made it through highschool. Soon we found out that it was pretty easy to meet new people, form new bonds, and recreated that comfort group. We walked around campus and made idle small talk with acquaintances we had met at some party thrown by so and so. Feeling comfortable again in our surroundings, we forgot for a moment about being self-conscious. Everyone was in the same boat -- we attended the same classes; we read the same books; we stressed over the same exams; we saw the same movies; we ate at the same restaurants, we drank with the same people; the same people came in and out of our dorm rooms 24/7.
Graduation arrived and we were so happy to have finally made it but at the same time sad to see everyone leave that place we called home for 4, sometimes 5, years. Again we promised ourselves to keep the bonds we formed in university, naively convincing ourselves that the party continued and that we would always be there for each other. Then one day we found ourselves alone, sitting in our office, doing work we don't really enjoy, and realizing that most of the bonds we had formed in the past have slowly faded like the leaves in autumn. All that comfort and solace we strived to find in belonging to a group and thought we found, was false comfort.
The irony is that for years we thought the solution to feeling alone and insignificant was to find a herd of sheep and blend in, when in fact, we should have spent time figuring out that we weren't sheep, and that even though we are different from each other -- people still liked us. So now we struggle to separate our mentality from that of the herd in hopes that we can find our own identity. To find that we aren't just like everyone else, but that we are a beautiful unique snowflake.
So here I sit wishing I was different -- an accent; a limp; purple hair; two left feet -- anything. Something that sets me apart from everyone else. I now try to make my way back and find the real me in the crowd I created for myself. It's so lonely being common.
Thursday, April 10, 2003
Wednesday, April 09, 2003
This guy's my new hero.
strong bad
"The internet is a place where nothing much happens. You need to take advantage of that."
strong bad
"The internet is a place where nothing much happens. You need to take advantage of that."
Friday, April 04, 2003
You know, sometimes it really sucks being male. Like when you just wake up -- you're reading your email, catching up on the war in iraq, saying "good morning" to all your friends on msn messenger, writing little worthless rambles on your blog -- and you've got a big fuckin boner that just won't go away. No seriously, who's bright fuckin idea was it to give men woodies first thing in the morning? More proof that god does so NOT exist.
The Little Prince
-- Antoine De Saint Exupery
"Just that," said the fox. "To me, you are still nothing more than a little boy who is just like a hundred thousand other little boys. And I have no need of you. And you, on your part, have no need of me. To you, I am nothing more than a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But if you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you, I shall be unique in all the world . . ."
-- Antoine De Saint Exupery
Thursday, April 03, 2003
retro
Everything retro has been all the rave lately: retro jerseys; retro clothes; retro music. Viva le retro! I started digging through my basement last week to find little retro treasures. I found a pair of blue jay boxers I used to wear in the 80s. I must have been 12 or so when I first wore these. They still fit nice and snug (cuz I still have a young nubile body). White with blue pinstripes. Sexy. I also found an old french beret. I don't know when it was cool to wear this thing but I bet it'd be cool now. So I'm going to wear it. I also downloaded some great 80s tunes from kazaa to fit my retro mood. Now I'm dancing in my room in a pair of old blue jay boxers and a brown french beret, listening to the Bangles' Eternal Flame. I feel super cool. Cool picture forthcoming (or maybe not).
Everything retro has been all the rave lately: retro jerseys; retro clothes; retro music. Viva le retro! I started digging through my basement last week to find little retro treasures. I found a pair of blue jay boxers I used to wear in the 80s. I must have been 12 or so when I first wore these. They still fit nice and snug (cuz I still have a young nubile body). White with blue pinstripes. Sexy. I also found an old french beret. I don't know when it was cool to wear this thing but I bet it'd be cool now. So I'm going to wear it. I also downloaded some great 80s tunes from kazaa to fit my retro mood. Now I'm dancing in my room in a pair of old blue jay boxers and a brown french beret, listening to the Bangles' Eternal Flame. I feel super cool. Cool picture forthcoming (or maybe not).
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